We (the Americans) decided to celebrate Thanksgiving this
year in Moscow by inviting over all our friends from Russia and other countries
to enjoy some of the foods we were missing the most from back home. Sadly, I
was unable to join them for the festivities. Why? Well, let me back up and set
the scene for you first…
About two weeks ago I was at the dorm where our Thanksgiving
merry making was going to be held with some friends and it was getting close to
11pm, which is when they ask guests to leave. Me, being the kind of guy I am,
thought to myself, “forget that, I’m a grown man, I’ll stay as late as please,”
and proceeded to do exactly that. The administrator came by twice looking for
me and I hid on the porch while Anton explained that he had no idea where I was
(thanks for that buddy). By the time 1am rolled around I decided I was ready to
leave, and as I opened the door into the hallway I practically stepped on the
administrator who had come up to Anton’s room for a third time to ask if he
knew where I was.
Needless to say, she was more than a little pissed.
They tossed me out of the dorm, which was cool, I was
leaving anyway, and yelled a lot of things at me in Russian that I could only
assume were expletives. I got home, went to bed and didn’t think much of it
after that.
Fast forward to this Sunday, I had just finished visiting a
very cool exhibit on sustainable city development with my friend Sasha that was
all in Russian and I actually felt like I understood with his help (his English
is about as good as my Russian and we talk almost entirely in Russian, so this
still required some work on my part), we went to the dorm, and as I was trying
to sign in the guard told me to leave. A little confused I asked why, and he
pointed to a piece of paper on the wall, which, if my translation is accurate
said, “If you see some American clown with the goofy name ‘Тайлер Джоунс’ be
sure to kick his ass to the curb.” That’s how my name translates phonetically,
for those of you who were curious to know that information, which I’m sure is
all of you.
After trying to explain to him that I just wanted to eat
with my friends, and then trying to sneak in, which almost worked, I was forced
to wait down in the guard’s office while dinner was being cooked. Anton brought
me down a plate of food and some wine to enjoy in front of the guard. I was
sure to eat it as loudly as possible and look like it was easily the greatest
meal ever crafted on this planet in an attempt to make the guard jealous. I’m
sure he probably couldn’t have cared less, but it made me feel better.
Anyway, that’s what Thanksgiving looked like this year: me
sitting in a guard office eating turkey and cranberry sauce, drinking wine out
of a plastic cup (because I’m a classy gentleman), and trying my hardest to
make the guard feel as uncomfortable as possible.
But now for some important business: Things I’m thankful for
My parents who have been nothing but supportive and loving
My friends here and back home who I love dearly
All the teachers I’ve had that have helped me reach my goals
Eddie’s cranberry sauce, because it was like happiness in my
mouth
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